Do You Ever Get Tired?

im-tired

That’s me…at least my shadow, no “skinny” there, but it’s me! Taken October 2013 in Pensacola Beach, Florida.

Do you ever get tired…

  • of always “dieting?”
  • of always hearing “you have such a pretty face, but…”
  • always hating your body?
  • of always trying the next best thing when it comes to weight loss/way of eating (diet)?
  • feeling like you don’t belong because you’re big?
  • and the list goes on and on and on…

I don’t know about you. Maybe all of of these relate to you. Maybe only some do. Or maybe none do. But for me personally. I’m tired. I’m tired of hating myself and not being comfortable in my own skin (I’m 38…and I’m finally ready to get over this!). I’m tired of jumping from one “diet” to the next only to say “this time I know it’s a way of life not a diet” but then a few months later to be done with that way of life because I can’t keep depriving my body of whatever food/food group that particular way of eating is making me give up.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong because I’m not skinny. I’m tired of allowing people to make me feel bad about ME because of my weight with their comments and insensitive things they say. I’m tired of holding onto all the mean things people have said to me over the years about my weight.

It all boils down to the fact that I can’t control people and what they think about it. What they think about me, is really none of my business. What does matter is how I feel about myself. And for so long (I’ve been dieting since 5th or 6th grade!) I’ve let people make me feel bad about myself. I’ve let all the negative things become my reality. I’ve grown to believe “no one will love you unless you lose weight”, “you’re so pretty, if you’d only lose weight”, “no man wants a big girl”, “fat people are lazy” and more.

But here I am, 38 years old, and I’m tired and ready to start accepting myself regardless of the number on the scale. Do I need to make some changes in my life when it comes to my health and how I eat and how inactive I am? Absolutely. There’s no denying that – I have a lot of things I do need to change. But the scale I bought not that long ago is going where it belongs – in the TRASH!

That little piece of metal, along with all the things I have accepted as reality for so long, makes me miserable and hate myself ever time I step on it. I threw a scale away a long time ago and then bought one again when I started Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time this past summer. And that was the biggest mistake ever (buying another scale) – I step on it several times a day (even though I haven’t been trying to lose weight even) and then say things to myself that I would never dream of saying to another human being.

So, for 2014 instead of focusing on losing weight and trying to get “skinny” – because for so long I’ve believed that no one will like me, love me or accept me until I’m skinny – I’m going to focus on liking myself regardless of what size I am. The scale is going bye bye again, I’m going to start doing things I want to do (join the photography club, join a writing group, and more) instead of letting my weight hold me back. I have just as much of a right to get out there and enjoy life as everyone else…my size shouldn’t hold me back anymore!  I’ve also made a commitment to start getting some physical activity and will be swimming 2 days a week.

2014 isn’t going to be about another diet, how much weight I can lose or focusing on getting “skinny” (because that’s never going to happen – even in my “skinny” days I was still a size 10/12 and in today’s world some people consider a 12 to be plus size!) It’s going to be all about learning to be comfortable in my own skin and to stop hating myself!

Until next time…

Me

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